How to Order a Venti Double Double
by kuking
Summary: "Their store manager, Mihawk," Sanji closed his eyes and dropped into a pitiful whisper, "he's wearing a plain white collared shirt. I can't believe it Ivankov, he's wearing a hairnet but he still is drop dead gorgeous." In which Sanji is a Starbucks barista and Zoro is a Tim Horton's front counter staff.
1. Chapter 1

" _Have you located the target?_ "

"No, not yet," Sanji grimaced into his cell phone, leaning against the thick pillar, "where the fuck are they, they should have been here several minutes ago." The blonde quickly glanced at his mobile screen, a shiny white 9:07 am glared back.

 _"But they're currently operating, are they not?"_

"Yes it's open. Everything is set up. They have one shitty attendant in the front- oh shit wait, fuck," dropping down to his knees, Sanji furiously scrambled behind the pillar.

"He's there, oh my god Ivankov he's he-"

"What are you doing Sanji?" Nami asked with a tilt of her head, her long orange locks spilling over her shoulder as she hefted her hand bag up her shoulder. Said man snapped back onto his feet, whipping his head toward the inquiring girl. Oh Nami, lovely Nami in her sharp designer suit and six inch heels. Twirling towards her, Sanji gave her an over the top greeting: a gushing good morning and a long winded compliment and all. Finally done with his usual greeting routine Sanji finished up with a loud sigh and shrugged his head back.

"It opened today."

"The Timmies?" Nami looked around Sanji as he exasperatedly rolled his eyes.

"Ugh yeah...Tim Hortons. I was just doing some reconnaisse for Ivankov. Checking out the competition," Sanji clucked his tongue, "we told Akainu that Grand Line Plaza didn't need more than one coffee establishment. Starbucks is more than enough for this shitty piece of mall!" Sanji threw his hands in the air. Nami watched the man hysterically rant about the quality of their drinks, and so on and so forth.

"But they're cheaper," Nami stated matter of factly, and walked briskly past Sanji. She looked back at him with a wink, "plus their manager is a total stud!"

Sanji gasped, "Nami no. You can't." But she did. She bee lined straight to the counter without a single step of hesitation as Sanji dramatically collapsed on the ground. The dishevelled blonde retrieved his forgotten mobile phone and whipped it back to his ear.

"Ivankov? Are you still there? We have an emergency," Sanji stalked around the entire perimeter of the food court, taking the long way to avoid walking directly in front of the Tim Hortons, his hurt eyes never once leaving the counter, "we lost Nami."


	2. Chapter 2

Grand Line Plaza was situated in the bustling downtown of Sabaody Archipelago. It classified itself as a high end shopping and entertainment center, housing five floors of everything and anything a shopper desired. On the main floor of this particular mall, near the main entrance was the plaza's Starbucks. A crazed blonde young man stomped into the café and right into the back of the store.

All that could be heard from the coffee shop was a high shrilled, "Ivankov, this is dire!"

Inazuma looked up from one of the regular customers he was chatting up and raised one of his well-groomed brows.

"What's wrong with Sanji today?" the long nosed customer asked as he leaned against the counter, trying to take a peek at what was happening in the back.

"Tim Hortons opened today," Inazuma sighed. He picked up a grande paper cup from the racks and pulled out an orange sharpie, "just the usual today Usopp?"

Usopp nodded and his bushy black hair, even when tied back tightly lopped side to side. He passed his starbucks card to the barista and hummed softly, "tell Sanji to drop by Lush today. We restocked on some of his favourite bath bombs. It could save what little sanity he has left."

Inazuma normal stoic face fell into a small smile, "please bare us some healing salts as well. I feel like Sanji and Ivankov won't be on their best moods." Usopp patted Inazuma on the shoulder in sympathy and dropped a few coins in the tip jar before he headed toward the bar to pick up his drink.

When Sanji treaded heavily into the back of the store, he could hear Ivankov deliriously screeching into the phone, "Dragon you have to do something about them! Their uniforms are brown and black. And they wear visors! And hairnets!" The last word was accentuated with a high whine. Sanji winced, both at the pitch of his boss's tone, and in the aforementioned uniform.

Sanji let out a pained grunt, "Ivankov, I'm back." His manager hardly stopped his furious typing at the computer to greet back his employee. His mouth ran wild as he rapidly fired various ways of how to get rid of the other store to the other man on the phone.

"Ivankov this is dire." Sanji rounded in front of the man's desk, and leaned in closely.

"Their store manager, Mihawk," Sanji closed his eyes and dropped into a pitiful whisper, "he's wearing a plain white collared shirt. I can't believe it Ivankov, he's wearing a hairnet but he is still drop dead gorgeous."

Ivankov whipped his head at Sanji. He squinted his eyes and his heavy eyelashes curtained his face. Between the two the store was quiet. Only the sounds of the vibrating fridges and soft murmuring of the customers in the front of the store could be heard, finally breaking the silence Ivankov picked up the phone, "Dragon, let's talk later."

Sanji grabbed his smart phone from his front pocket and pulled up a picture he had taken quickly this morning. He shoved the mobile right up into his manager's face. On the screen was an image of Mihawk amidst puring a cup of coffee. Ivankov let out a scandalized gasp.

"This is terrible."

"I know...we lost Nami to them this morning," Sanji groaned, slamming his forehead against the cooler. Who was he going to make venti non-fat half sweeten no foam no water soy chai tea lattes for every morning now?

"Candy boy, don't worry!" Ivankov replied curtly, "we got rid of David's Tea, we can get rid of Tim Hortons. But for now, let's deal with the upcoming morning rush first. Quick Candy boy go help Inazuma." Sanji nodded with a loud sigh and grabbed his green apron and name tag from the shelf. Tying back the apron with a tight bow, and a slip of his name tag in the front, Sanji gave his appearance in the mirror a quick run through. Hot, sexy, and spicy, just like the pumpkin spice lattes that all the lovely females adored. Giving himself a wink, and smoothing down his apron, Sanji waltzed onto the cafe floor.


	3. Chapter 3

Rolling the trash bin through the café, Sanji excused himself as he maneuvered through the line of customers circling through the store. Taking out the trash was not the most appealing aspect of being a Barista it was however an important duty. Sanji mindlessly recounted the time Bon Clay had to remake Doflamingo's drink several times before the bastard was finally satisfied. What was even worse was the aftermath. The trash bag was filled to the brim with all of the rejected drinks and had exploded all over the floor when they had tried to change it. Sanji caught himself mid-shudder before Konis and Kaya walked into the store. He immediately chirped out a greeting for the ladies and recited the recipe for their usual skinny vanilla lattes under his breath. Sanji strolled through the mall with his trash can and greeted the usual mall staff. Through the glass doors of the bank could see Nami in her professional demure counting down rolls of cash for a client. And not far off was the customer service desk. Lovely Robin was on shift today as she hid her silent smile behind her hand listening to an overly animated Franky. Franky as per usual spent more time talking to the lovely receptionist than actually working. Well then again he practically was his own boss alongside his brother Iceburg. The construction workers of the Galley-La Company were a constant presence at Grand Line Plaza, the continual renovations and constructions of new stores and outlets never slowed down from week to week. Finally making his way to his pursued destination Sanji pushed through a set doors marked clearly for employees only. Rounding the corner, the barista heaved his trash can into the compactor room and was greeted by the sight of a disgruntled Zambia. The mall maintenance staff was leaning against his broom as he impatiently watched a brown and black uniform cladded employee struggle with a garbage bag.

"Ow, dude, bro, you're suppose to push the trash all the way in to make sure they're in the compactor."

"Oh, uh, sorry," the man mumbled back.

Sanji snorted, glaring at the Tim Horton's employee in front of him, "this guy is as shitty as the coffee he serves." The guy in front whipped his head back scowling.

"What the hell."

Noticing the tacky shade of green the guy's hair was, Sanji sneered, "Stupid moss head, can't even throw away a shitty bag of trash."

"Well apparently I am doing something wrong because you're still not in the trash compactor," the Tim Hortons staff retorted back, "why don't you give me a hand and throw yourself in there." Sanji immediately snapped. Who the hell did this guy think he was? Sanji shoved away his trash can and rushed forward to grab a handful of the other man's uniform.

"Oi, oi you guys calm down," Zambia squeezed himself between the two, "it's okay. It's just a bag of trash."

"Exactly," Sanji spitted out, "how come this shit head can't even handle a bag-"

"Zoro, is there a problem here?" The green haired man immediately froze within Sanji's grasp.

Standing in the door way of the compactor room was the bane of Sanji's existence, Tim Horton's fine ass manager. Zoro roughly tugged his way out of Sanji's grip.

"Mihawk what the hell are you doing here? Who's watching the store?"

Mihawk replied back curtly, "I am the one who should be asking questions here. Besides, Johnny and Yasoku are where they should be, minding the store. You on the other hand," the older man crossed his arms and quirked a sharp eyebrow up, "I came to see why it was taking you an hour to take out the trash." Sanji snorted loudly. He couldn't believe this guy.

Zoro quickly sent a glare at the blonde man, eyes burning, but brought his eyes to the floor, "I got lost..."

"The door to the back is literally a single hallway, how could you have gotten so terribly lost."

The stupid blonde was actually laughing out loud now, Zoro hands itched to throw a punch at him.

"All the rooms looked the same! Besides, this guy here is fucking me up!" Zoro pointed a finger at the blonde, as rudely as he could muster a finger point. Whatever Zoro had planned it worked quite nicely, as the blonde behind him immediately quiet down when Mihawk's stare was onto him.

"You're one of Ivankov's aren't you?" Sanji stiffen and slowly nodded back. Huh, no wonder the green haired idiot acted so awkwardly in front of his boss, those piercing gazes were unbearable, "I'll be mentioning you to your store manager later." This time it was Zoro's time to laugh and it would had agitated Sanji to no end if it wasn't for Mihawk's discomforting stare at him.

After what had felt like ages, Mihawk's gaze snapped back at Zoro, and without a sound, the two Tim Horton's employees left the cramp compactor room.

"Huh, what was that," Zambia finally quirked up. He had watched the scene in front of him and soaked up every detail. Wait till Mozu and Kiwi heard about this. Once they had their fingers into this the entire mall was going to know, no later by the end of the day, tops.

"That…" Sanji trailed off as he hanged his head and heaved his trash can toward the compactor, "is what I call garbage duty for the next two weeks."


	4. Chapter 4

Lunch rush at the Grand Line Plaza Starbucks was as strong and true as the sunrises in the beginning of the day and Bon Clay's commitment to wear pink on Wednesdays. Attracting business people from the offices which surround the mall and the university students from down the block, the café's regulars covered every trope on the coffee addict spectrum. Sanji greatly welcomed the never ending lines of customers to keep his mind off from the mishap earlier that day. After all who had time fuming over moss head idiots when there were lovely ladies to serve. Speaking of lovely ladies, the ever sophisticated Hina strode in front of Sanji's till. Sliding back her sunglasses Hina perched them on top of her long pastel locks. The blonde barista couldn't help but swoon at the older woman, commenting on her usual stoic elegant.

"Hina will be getting her passion tango tea lemonade," the woman stated and sidestepped to get a better view of the pastry case. Sanji enthusiastically nodded and grabbed a venti cold cup, flourishing the cup with the customer's name and drink order.

"Hina would also love to grab a croissant," the business woman added and returned her gaze back onto Sanji. Sanji smiled warmly and smoothly ran her transaction through. Hina dropped a few dollars into the tip jar and dropped her aviators back onto her face, and waved her hand at the barista in thanks. Not all of Sanji's regulars were as easy Hina. Sanji grimaced as a large poof of pink feathers pulled up in front of his till. Unlike the chic shade of pink Hina donned, Doflamingo's pink was obnoxious and loud. Doflamingo was an enigma, truly. He came to terrorize the staff at Starbucks on a daily basis. Did the man work around here? Did he even work? A quick peek at his designer accessories and footwear said otherwise.

"Hello Sanji, won't you give me a moment. I need to decide on what to treat myself today." Doflamingo smiled widely as he leaned against the counter, reading out loudly each item on the menu. Sanji chanced a quick glance at Bon Clay who returned gave a sympathetic look as he nursed his way through his own line of customers.

Sanji pasted a smile on his face as Doflamingo loudly contemplated the calorie count between a frappuccino and a smoothie. Finally after what seemed like ages, the man scrunched his nose and returned his gaze back to the barista.

"Never mind. I just want my venti two pumps lactaid milk extra hot no foam London fog. But I would also like whip cream and cinnamon dolce sprinkles on top. I don't want my drink too boring now!" Sanji nodded in confirmation and briskly wrote down his drink on a cup sleeve.

"Anything else for you today Doflamingo?" The man slams down his diamond incrusted tumbler onto the counter in response. Sanji added the mug to the terrifyingly long line of drinks. Doflamingo's pats Sanji's cheeks with a "good boy" and waltzed into the café to wait for his drink. Sanji eased his jaw and took a deep breath. Besides Doflamingo's eccentric personality the man tipped generously. They couldn't dare lose the irritating man as a regular when they all made minimum wage.

Sanji's mood immediately perked up when he heard a familiar greeting from his favourite customer. Nami bounced into Sanji's view and shined a bright smile at Sanji.

"My lovely Nami!" ,swooned Sanji as he whipped out a venti cup, and wrote her name in floral cursive, "your usual, as usual?"

"Just the spinach and feta wrap for today Sanji! I already have my drink!" holding up a cup and swaying it back and forth Nami winked back at the barista. Sanji flinched back almost crushing the paper cup in his hold.

"You're still drinking Tim Horton's?!" Sanji gasped, his eyes round and mouth gaping. Nami smirked and took a small sip from the aforementioned cup.

"Yeah! It's a white hot chocolate with chai tea bags! It tastes just like the tea lattes here, except half as much cheaper!" Nami exclaims and took another gulp.

"Nami you're teasing me right. That's kind of impossible, as our teas are handpicked from the freshest and finest ingredients." Sanji rambled. Nami shrugged and placed down the exact change for her wrap. She blew a kiss to her friend and slid back into the growing crowd of people in the café. Sanji didn't respond in his usual over the top gushing. Instead, he stood there paralyzed.

A true drama queen, Nami hummed in thought.

"Candy boy!" Ivankov hollered, walking into the store front as he tied his pink apron, "it's your lunch time!" Sanji whipped his head toward his manager, and all but sprinted into the back, ripping off his own green apron. This will not do. This will not do at all. A Tim Horton's drink that taste just like Starbuck's? Even worse, Nami was been brainwashed to think so? Desperate times call for desperate measures. Sanji slid out a card from his wallet.

A month or two ago, Sanji had helped out a pan handler which the mall seemed to attract to the dark corner of their streets. Sanji gave the pan handler a drink and a hot sandwich from his store. A few days later the man found him again and introduced him as Gin. He profusely thanked Sanji for helping him out during a particular rough time he was going through. In his thanks he decided he would pay back with what he considered equal payment: a Tim Hortons gift card. Sanji had been completely reluctant at first because he couldn't ever accept a gift in return for something he did out of good will. In the end he humbly accepted it. Gin wanted to show his thanks after all. Sanji thought he would leave the gift card long forgotten and tucked deeply into his wallet. He thought, of course, but shit went down. Tim Horton's went down. Sanji decided he needed to go on an impromptu undercover mission to Tim Horton's. He wanted no, nay, he needed to prove that Tim Horton's couldn't ever replicate a drink from Starbucks. Jamming the card into his black jeans Sanji marched his way off into the mall.

"This is totally like Jackass," Sanji muttered under his breath as he bee lined towards the food court, "I'm totally threatening the life of my taste buds."

The red cursive sign came into view as Sanji struggled against the torrent of shoppers. The large crowd of customers in front of Tim Horton's was not all that dissimilar from what one could find in Starbucks. A few annoyed shoppers around Sanji gave him dirty looks as he stood awkwardly at the end of the line.

Sanji hesitated adding himself to the line. This was absolutely embarrassing. Someone could recognize him. Even worse the green haired idiot could still be working. But a quick scan of the store front told him that it was clear of any stupid lawn haired bozos. With a cautious step Sanji slid into the line and before he knew it several customers queued behind Sanji. It was too late to back out now. The line moved mechanically as Sanji was pulled along to the front. Finally an attendant called him forward to their till.

Sanji stalled, faltering even when he was mere steps from the front counter. An unhappy grumble from behind propelled Sanji forward. Several long years working in the service industry had trained him to react readily to customers, despite the customer not even being his own.

"Hey there! What can I get you?" The man at the till chirped. Sanji slowly made his way up to the till and stared outright at the man in front of him. Despite the man's friendlessness, his overall appearance was terrifying. With a tattoo on the one cheek and scraggy, short hair he looked like a complete creep. He was even wearing sunglasses. Was that even allowed?

"I uh…" Sanji bit his lip looking up at the menu. "there's this drink-" Sanji stopped midway as Zoro sauntered out of the kitchen while he adjusted his visor. He slid right beside the attendant in front of Sanji and clasped at his shoulder.

"Hey Johnny, thanks for covering for me."

The said man grinned back, "no problem man."

He returned his smile back to Sanji, "He'll ring your order in for you!" Johnny scurried to the back, leaving Sanji alone with Zoro. Well as alone as one could be in a crowded food court in front of one of the most busiest fast food joints in the mall.

Finally Zoro glanced at the customer in front of him, "Hey what-" Zoro halted and let out a loud grunt.

"You."

Peering through the kitchen doors, Johnny snickered, "Hey Yosaku check out what's happening in the front. It's the guy Kiwi and Mozu were talking about."

Yosaku left the donuts he was prepping in his work station. He walked right next to Johnny wiping his hands on his chef's whites, "the dude who trashed Zoro in the trash room? I need to see this."

"What can I get you," Zoro grumbled, crossing his arms and glaring at Sanji.

Sanji was taken aback. Honestly what kind of Tim Hortons was this? With an iron fisted boss like Mihawk, and thugs like Zoro and Johnny this was looking more like a correctional center than a coffee shop. Zoro stared back at Sanji right in the eye. Sanji gotta hand it to the guy. He was downright intimidating despite being decked out in horrible shades of browns, a visor, and a hairnet. Terrifying yes but was he scarier than Ivankov when he broke a nail? No. Sanji squared his shoulders and returned back a steely glare.

Sanji snorted, "If you call this customer service. I wonder how you treat people you actually dislike."

Zoro growled back, through seething clenched teeth and repeated "What can I get you today." Sanji couldn't help but notice the toned biceps on the Tim Horton's attendant as he flexed in a way he thought he could terrify the other man.

Sanji squirmed and looked away. Sanji couldn't give a single shit about douchebags who tried to scare off people by their size alone but douchebags who were actually pretty hot…Hold it Sanji. Don't do this. Especially now. He's the guy who landed you the next two Saturday frappuccino duty for crying out loud!

Sanji sighed and ran his hair through his hair, "I-I don't know. I just heard there was a drink here. Something like a Chai tea latte."

Zoro squinted back, slightly relaxing his arms, "yeah I think it might be the white hot chocolate with chai tea bags." Zoro quickly entered the order and looked back up at Sanji, eyebrows raised, "anything else for you?"

Sanji snapped out his card toward Zoro and the man grabbed with a deep frown. The Tim Horton's staff looked at him exasperatingly and returned Sanji's card, "Thanks. Please don't ever come back again."

Sanji threw a finger at the man and stomped his way to wait for his drink. The guy from before, Johnny, called out Sanji's drink. Sanji hastily grabbed the cup and left a brisk thank you. Sanji took a small sip and pulled back in alarm. It tasted exactly like the chai tea latte from Starbucks. Sanji was absolutely furious. But the drink wasn't the problem at all. Neither was the green haired idiot who was everything but courteous to him. Sanji was infuriated with himself. Furiously sipping away at his drink and throwing a final glance at the Tim Hortons he accidentally caught Zoro's eyes. Sanji whipped his head back and stalked back to his Starbucks. With red cheeks, and the ears to match the deep shade Sanji fumed. Sanji was supposed to be the token straight guy at Starbucks damn it.


End file.
